Starting over is always hard.
Whether it’s a new job, a new town, or anything that’s a change from what had been your life beforehand, it’s difficult. There are questions that weren’t there earlier. A gap or space which requires a fit that is not apparent.
One of the hardest shifts in life is after a relationship has ended. The depth and/or length of the bond further complicates our recovery. Marriage is the most inclusive of relationships as our identity, our daily activities, even our name is influenced by it.
Returning to being a single person after such a substantial coupling can be difficult. Particularly if the decoupling wasn’t our own choice. But, as it becomes final, it is on us to begin again.
Of course, there is always pressure to enter into a new relationship of love, especially regarding men. Pew Research found that divorced and widowed men are twice as likely to want to remarry as their women counterparts.
But it makes sense.
By the time you’re married and living a “married life”, the rest of your existence mirrors this status. You tend to have married friends, go to married/couple events, shop for couple things. We need social connections and having to forge new pathways is intimidating.
Obviously, attending Hängs is an easy way to reset this pattern.
But, when you are ready to embrace the new opportunity, there’s many positives.
You can discover passions you didn’t know you had or had laid dormant in your previous relationship (perhaps your partner didn’t share or had a conflicting interest). As the author of your own story again (or even the first time), you are free to write in the margins or toss the book aside and go jet skiing. The possibilities are endless.
When various relationships in my life ended and the accompanying disappointment subsided, I found like I was able to breathe anew. It was as if I had been holding my breath or not fully expanding my lungs. As I distanced myself from the shared friends with my respective exes, it was always like rediscovering an old friend. MYSELF!
Of course, it wasn’t always easy, but it was rewarding. They were my new friends. It was my new house. It was my new beginning.
And I discovered I wasn’t the only one. There are so many of us out there, my fellow Hängitants… A people with no nation. Which is one of the reasons I started Hänga and came up with its motto “Find Your Tribe”. You may have to start over but you do not have to do so alone.