Being lonely and feeling lonely are two different things. Feeling lonely is much worse, it can even have chronic negative effects on your life.
I don’t want to scare you, but frankly, your health and life is at stake.
Why is this so?
Research has proven that people that FEEL lonely, can detect potential threat much faster than others, which in turn make them more vigilant and judgemental. And that in turn makes them harder to approach, less likely to make new friends. It is like a snowball effect.
Hmm, let us look at this a bit closer. Being lonely was not a problem but FEELING lonely is.
In the book Lost Connections by Johann Hari he explains what depression is and presents new perspectives on this subject. Among several interesting views he talks about individualism and our modern lives. We are not depending on others anymore; we are more and more buying into the idea that we should solve everything by ourselves. Mind your own business, so to speak.
“Nobody can help you, except you.” has become a mantra among mentors in the personal development arena. But this is far from true. We need each other.
To end loneliness, and thus depression, we need other people. But not only that. And here is where the difference between BEING and FEELING lonely is explained; if we share common values and interests with others, we will not FEEL lonely.
Sharing is caring.
We might spend most of our time alone, but if we share values and interest with other fellow humans, we are held. On the contrary, you can be among family and friends, but you do not have the same values or interests, you will most probably feel lonely and alienated.
Now, take a good look around you.
Where are your kind of people, that share the same values and interests?
With whom do you feel connected?